Marianne

This baby, no matter how exceiting it is, has me full of mixed feelings.
I talk with * , he makes me feel so alive, it's hard to imagine I will never experience spending time with him again.
He says he doesn't know how far away he's going and I shouldn't worry about not ever see him again.
Still I dream about him, dream that if I once got passed his armor I can again and he'd welcome it.
"Naked and honest to a silent clothed foreboding,eyes on feet that walk away and never toward."
He admits to it, and I find it challenging..I want to make him naked on the inside without removing a single peice of clothing.
It's selfishness on both sides, needing to know everything without offering any of ourselves.
Sometimes when I'm ready to compromise, he remindes me in criptic ways of a promise he made to me once
one he's kept too well.
It's a most heroic and painfull loss
and Thank God for it just the same
Life is bitter sweet like my name.