Hope, the Opium of the masses

I'm still alive.
my two friends (andrea and MA) shunn me..
well most of the time anyway.
my prayer list is huge and keeps getting bigger
DJ my "best friend" whom I rarely write had to flee China cause of the Triad
I have missed countless aquaintences birthdays.
And I'm lost
I don't know what to do with my life or my time,
everything seems so meanial, even those things which should never feel that way.
it's like I've reached a stoping point in my life..like writers block, but more of a life block.

I find myself only looking forward to sleep
I spend free time waiting for you to post in your blogs
I cryed during a cartoon with the kids??? I don't know, it wasn't even touching
it would be easy for me to blame it on you guys, say your troubles are getting me down,
cause they are it's true.. I wish I could change all of your lives, make you all happy, love you all..
and I can't, not in the way you need and not with totality.

I live for people
disturbing, yes
when my mind has a free moment I think of someone..I analys them, I pray for them, I space out about them.
I'm a stalker, thats what it must be,
perhaps my life isn't intresting enough, which is odd causeI'm pretty selfish, and selfish people are allways thinking about themselves.

I don't have anything so say, and I shouldn't be posting, but I enjoy writing.
so you'll suffer with me.. and when there is no reply I'll imagine you are suffering in silence with me.