sometimes poetic fashion just doesn't describe emotions in a harsh enough light.
emotions are harsh.. and if they're not, they aren't fit to use the word.
* isn't talking to me anymore, not really..he says we haven't been close since February.
And while I feel this is untrue and unfair that's not what I want to express today.
he asks me why I try to hang on to him when I have let others go.
why I want to be close to him when I settle with one letter a month from others.
Truthfully, he's just worth more.
He thought I was making fun of him or something.. maybe the fact that I say he's worth more makes him think I want him like a trophy.
I don't..he isn't a very shinny cup.
He doesn't want to be close, it's not worth it for him anymore..he doesn't need a friend.
I suppose he is much more to me than a friend.
He is still close to me, if I am not to him, and even if I know how he feels, I'll go on pretending that the feeling's mutual.
He hasn't forgiven me..I am waiting for him to forgive me.
I've been waiting a long time..I'll be waiting longer
I might wait forever, and it might never be the same.
it might not be worth the wait..but I'll wait hoping it will be.
(Maybe I am still trying to force you to "see me" even when you've shut up the house and are on pretend vacation..maybe)
People always say sorry is the hardest thing to say.. they are wrong.
it's the easiest thing to say and I don't know how much I've said it.
What is hard though, is saying it in a way that will actually put you on the road to forgiveness.
maybe it's not the sermon but the sample...but honestly, if I haven't done it proper yet, then I just don't know how..and it's not for lack of wanting to, or of really feeling sorry.
maybe you don't want me to be sorry at all.. maybe.
You always make me wonder..and when I don't know, I gamble, but I don't want to gamble with you.
My pride is always my downfall, it's what it was that stood in the way of me owning up in a more genuine way.
I'm so sorry.
No comments:
Post a Comment