While taking Kenji's "Zombie apocalypse" percentage test..Olivier came to the question that asks.
"if a loved one became a zombie what would you do"
1)shoot them in the head without hesitation
2)shoot them..but only before longingly looking into their eyes and feeling doubt, they are a loved one after all
3)run away and hope they're a slow zombie
Etc.
(me) pick option 2..it's truthful and still somewhat moral.
(Oli) no, I don't think I could kill a loved one
(me) if it were me that was infected..I'd want you to shoot me
(Oli) no, I love you too much to kill you, I'd put you in a cage and feed you bats till they find a cure.
4 comments:
clone him..now , he's a keeper.
Yeah really!
I think any one who chooses an answer other than (3) should flunk this test straight up.
Consider this:
Based on extensive evidence from Hollywood's archives, we have a fairly thorough understanding of zombies; their behavioral patterns, biological makeup etc. Citing these authoritative sources, we know that - although an enticing option -(1) is incorrect.
Why? Well, it's widely accepted that a reanimated corpse of the zombie demographic is no longer reliant on mere brain functionality. The Brain in a zombie is redundant -serving no particular purpose other than a housing complex for centipedes, spiders, maggots etc. The zombie reacts according to the urges of the virus that reanimated him -which ,of course, is spread throughout the entire cadaver. Shooting your zombified lover in the head would serve no real purpose other than attracting unnecessary attention to, and endangering yourself -and perhaps displacing a thriving community of insectoids.
Option (2), while seemingly moral, is even more absurd -would you stop to stare longingly at your lovers fecal matter before flushing it? And fecal excretions aren't trying to eat you! Besides, Chances are (like feces) they don't even have eyes, these having been removed by the penthouse dwelling (aforementioned) insectoids -who desired a better view -and a tender lunch. Hell, they probably don't even look like your lover anymore, they're probably missing large portions of flesh, and perhaps their brains are exposed from the last loved one they encountered who foolishly tried to end the zombies miserable existence by choosing option (1) and shooting it in the head...to no avail of course except that this caring fool now walks among the dead and has insects living in its brains as well. Look, you shouldn't feel shame in revulsion. Yes you may have loved them when they had a pretty face, pouty lips, big boobs and a tight a$$ - but everyone knows zombies don't have pretty faces or pouty lips(granted a second look may be justified if they still have the boobs and ass...)
So we can conclude that option (3) really is the only sound option. At least of the options presented. I think the creators of this test were a little fatalistic in that they didn't leave any room for affirmative action. I'd like to propose a few other options, for example:
(4) Pick up the axe that is leaning conveniently against the wall, and proceed to divide the corpse into more manageable sized pieces.
(5) Open a case of non-stick cooking spray and utilize (in conjunction with) your trusty lighter to sterilize the corpse.
(6) Crush them beneath the 24 inch rims of your flesh spattered low mileage SUV in a very intense adrenaline pumping rock themed way.
(7) Break into NORAD, use a manual overide mechanism -that you somehow miraculously have the knowledge to create from bits of copper, household detergents, and a condom -to bypass security, hijack the nukes, and get free cable...then sit back and watch the fireworks!!!
Destroy the world -destroy the zombies!!!!
(Or you could somehow call on your inherent magical/psychic powers to summon a large firestorm and consume them along with the zombified crows -but thats just stupid stuff you see in movies...)
After the triple awwwww, I would like to say "Why don't you send him out bat hunting to see if he is really capable of supporting you as a zombie?" :P
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