Hide and seek

lets start by stating that...yes I am a fool and, yes it is all my fault.
At some point in January's wake I had a small insignificant mood swing (or so I thought), that has changed my written life.
I thought "..ok so I'm going to have a child..what's there left to be mysterious about", and so came about this change, a URL added to a signature in a hasty un thought through moment.

Surrounded now by the impersonal "you", I have thought better on this and decided it was a bad idea.
Like a craving I desperately needed at the moment, I removed names and initials and felt one single second of pride.
But bad craving or not, what's done is done.
Here I am by my own design..and there you all are.

I would certainly take back my action if I could be sure I wasn't already linked in some unforgivable strangers "favorites" column. that being as it is, and I being the way I am, didn't realize the effects fully till today when I come to the bare naked fact that people I live with are reading this...harsh, but no the day was not done, my ex pops me up to say congratulations on the baby, and I wonder how he found out half way across the world. It turned out it wasn't a great mystery, his girl friend told him while most likely staring at his face to see what sort of reaction this would cause ...well lol that was a high light at least.
don't worry yourself child, I am far away and as you so truthfully say..quite pregnant.


Some of you will most likely be the kind of people that stop to see the blood at a car accident just cause it's gross..like the watchers who enjoy public executions.
Yes you'll make me ill and I wish I could say I didn't understand you, but unfortunately I do.

I can't put you through a sieve, singling out the can's from the can't's.
And I have no intention of making this into a place where jokes and Internet garbage is posted
Thus I am somewhat perplexed at what to do..I've done it, what's worse is I wrote it down even when it shamed me, finding peace in the fact that only 3 people read it.

I can't ask you to love me unconditionally and keep me in your prayers the way they might have, I can't lie, and I won't ruin myself with impersonal crap.
So your just going to have to wade through my faults and failings quietly.
If we meet each other face to face..you never knew any of this existed, and you will refrain from asking me questions such as:
-who does "such and such" post refer to
-was the name "silver princess" born out of some insane pride, or does it have a story
-who's Sylvia
- why don't you care more for the March hare.

heres what to expect

Hardened habit to humble hand in my unforgiven mind
Every sin a bold lipstick mark, an orgasm on stations of guilt.
Years marked by a handful of hair and a bite.
A touch attached to a face, and to that face silence.
Naked and honest to a silent clothed foreboding,eyes on feet that walk away and never toward.
A bruised living canvas, come view this this pornographic epic,another artist, another name.