Alone in London

* tells me love is cheap nowa days, it only costs 10 euros, I think that may be the saddest thing I've heard him say, and it somehow culminates a life time of his falling away, and the love I have for him.
I miss him, especially on nights like tonight.
Everyone's partying downstairs, we have one girl for 5 guys and here I am at my computer sick to my stomach with rejection.
a sort of forlorn misery, a pale haunting need that isn't satisfied, a sick and gut retching twist of fate.
a first time
a last time
a time that never seems to end
a time I wish I could pass with the cup of margarita I didn't drink.

but like all hard things, this was made to endure with patient longsuffering.
I've just never been good at either and am having a hard time with it.
I lost several kilo's at eurock and right before, maybe it was the food, maybe nervousness, I don't know.
all I know now it that it's caused me to lose all form of self esteem and sex appeal.
I've never been so low about myself.
I've also never felt so selfish, what I'm feeling right now must be what * feels when he allows me to go with someone when he has no one for him self.
I have to wake up early and balloon, the only bright side is I'll be out of the house, and I won't have to face anyone.
I'm so pathetic