But Joy comes in the morning

recently I've come to a point in my life where I feel incapable of being strong enough for life it's self.
Change scares me, stagnation scares me.
everything scares me.
During my P and P time I read a little of the AOW 5
I really need to trust the lord more, trust him to take the burdens that I can't, trust him to be the strength I can't pretend to have..even just trust him enough to sleep without worrying about the future and what it holds.
(big trust issues)

any way, I was reading AOW 5 because all these things tie into being a new bottle.
I don't know how all of you feel, but when I read off the hundred plus ways to see if your an old bottle..I think "my god, look how terrible I am"

then mama try's to encourage us sinners by saying.
"I think probably all of us have several things we can do better in, in the area of being a new bottle"

SEVERAL?? just several?
please tell me you all had more then just several.
I nearly burst into tears when I it first came out and I read that awfully guilty sounding "several".

for ages now I had gotten so caught up on the fact that I was a dirty rotten sinner who was never going to be more like Jesus, that I completely failed in putting the rest into practice.

today after a scorching day of witnessing in Paris in 40 degrees, I was at the end of my rope.
I prayed and re went over that letter.
you know what stuck out to me this time?..it says to reverse the process all you have to do is start saying yes, just say "Yes Jesus, I will".

wow to think I've gone so long knowing this but under such condemnation.
god help me.
I immediately tattooed "Yes Jesus I will" on the front of my note book.

I feel so much better.
TTL isn't He awesome, I know that this point in my life will be something that will change me for the better, I know I'll be able to look back and see beauty for ashes in every trail I now face.