My Prayer

I can't make it to south africa
I can't affrord it
daddy's going though, someones sponsoring him, most likely Ws..they haven't given him a cent all his life and now that his scoliosis is so bad and causes so much pain that this may be the last time he can travel they want to help.
he refuses to take the pain killers
he refuses to take the high blood pressure medicine to stop the heart atacks..
daddys dieing
slowly and I can't do anything about it
he doesn't relize how much it's hurting me
I always thought it would be when I was fifty..not now I'm not ready
I love him more than anyone
I love him the mostest
I'm still a little girl I'm not ready for him to die
he thinks I'll be like him and be happy for him
he thinks I trust god as much as he does
he thinks I'm ready like he is
how can I tell him, that he's breaking my heart...that every time we part and I leave him I cry when he can't see.

I don't know what the lord wants me to get out of this, but I hope he knows I can't take another week like the last.
jesus it' too much for me to bare