Last days of old lives

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.


you know how it feels when you've had a day of swimming and your exhausted.
when you look around your vision is bleached like a cheap screener movie you shouldn't have downloaded.
that was me today.

AM

A friends heart is breaking, and I realize that someone I loved at 17 has become an entirely different man.
He's harsh, crude, and bitter at life.
He loves the chase and not the ride, he loves whats gone and not whats about to leave.
If it wasn't physical he didn't cheat, when it wasn't love he didn't notice.
He used to be the epic of the pure soul, slightly nerdy, but allways sweet
Remind me to have devotions, tell me to be kinder to my mum.
prode when I wouldn't tell and worry when someone wasn't well.
I don't know when the bitterness came in, and I can't say forsure it will leave when he's happy.
chase the butterfly but it won't land on you...live like I have, and ruine your relationship the way I ruined ours..it won't land.
and you'll keep looking back, seeing gold when it's not yours, and mud when it was.
yes you'll keep looking back, and when your gone there will be one more butterfly to chase

PM

My heart is breaking, and I relize that pride has ruined all my relationships(friendly and otherwise).
I'm proud and I tend to like proud men.
Honor is another name for pride, and we're so full of it.
so full of shit.
human love isn't perfect.. ahh so far from it.
we aren't god
you'd do better to get a dog, yes there is a reason they're called mans best friend.
they're barking little bits of Jesus.
I used to be pure once long before I knew what love meant.
I can't remember when. but I was..once
and I wonder what brought me to this place?
just another car in the scrap yard of "on it goes".
Another spare part, another polluting peice of shit.
the reason I'm not alone here is cause it doesn't mean anything to love someone if you aren't loved back
today has shown me that.. even if someone loves you, it's worthless ego riseing crap if you don't love them back.
it's a hard truth and the best part of hell on earth.
a small cage marked "Love and Loyalties Labours lost", except we put ourselves in this box and held to it as a matter of honor.
The valient die alone and only then find comfort in the mass grave.
I won't be alone, the valient won't lie alone.
will I see you there? will we judge eachother on how many victims we brought with us?
no
Beacuse you don't take people there, you have to earn it.
what a reward.. what an end.
but what did you expect for an ending.